Okay, I've been single for long enough. And I never thought I'd ever be about this life, but after 11 years in back to back relationships, then some years passed from splitting with my ex, I realized I'm here and still happy. But I've got some things to confess...
Now that most the wounds have healed, my new reality has set in and I'm learning to love and accept the single life. So at this point, I'm not holding back nor giving a damn what anyone thinks.
Dating has been adventurous for me but a bit tedious at the same time. I love getting out there and meeting people, getting to know new characteristics and opening up my heart and mind to new experiences. I live for strong social connections and positive influences. But it wasn't long before I realized, the dating game has changed since my teenage years when I was last single. Thing is though, my needs as a woman, haven't so much. And I'm not at all willing to compromise my needs and desires to accommodate today's notion of "bae's" and "boo thangs" when I deserve true love and satisfaction.
So I've been dating for the past few years, and oh boy have I kissed some frogs. Some were grimey, slimey even; but I can't front, there's been some passionate and satisfying ones too. I've given chances to some of the most intelligent, handsomest, and fun-loving guys I could ever meet. But I have yet to find what I'm looking for- a mature man with his personal values in place, his career on the move, his body on point, and his masculinity in check. Oh and most importantly- both emotionally and physically available to me. Basically, someone who presents himself to be the male equivalent of myself. I know I'm a one of a kind woman though- and finding that one of a kind man is gonna be difficult but damn are there no strong honest hardworking men of God around anymore? Oh and single men please...
I guess I missed the train that stopped and let off all the decent men while I was wifed up for the past 7 years SMH. Now that I'm available, everyone's just beginning their adult lives, having kids, finding love and experiencing all that brand new bliss. Either that, or they're basking in the turn-up season sun and are no where near ready to settle down or in other words, turn down for what..? And I'm no hater, I know how to make the most of a great experience. I can always enjoy the good times and quickly let the bad ones go...
So with this dating game- though it annoys me at times, I have no choice but to continue to indulge. There's so much to learn about myself and men as I casually date. I've made some mistakes as I will continue to do and I've learned some lessons. I've given too much and I've given not enough. At times I've been excited and others I've been frustrated, I've felt proud and I've felt down. I've gotten more selective with my dating options though and have become much more clear about what I want. I learned to take the positive lessons and experiences from each guy, exit left when I notice too many negatives, and move forward when the time is right. I even learned how to balance out the give and take of dating- and even decided to abstain until I've found that one man who deserves all of me.
My friends tell me I need to take time for myself, coming out of a long term relationship and all but hellooo... I was single and to myself for over 6 months after the breakup... Which is a lifetime for a gal like me. My hearts too big and I've got too much love in me to be alone. So dating and social encounters are just a part of my life. It's who I am and I can't stop the dude flow even if I try. At work or at play, guys can't resist me... & even some girls (pause tho). I'm fun, and intelligent, I turn way up and know when to turn down. I love a variety of spontaneous experiences and know how to party. I'm that loyal chick and the ride or die. I'm pretty selective about what I spent time on and have extremely high standards so if you get a chance to hang with me, you must feel like a winner.
I will confess to you though- sometimes all you get is one chance. I do not entertain BS characters for long. If I find that you have ill intent or hate in your blood, your goals don't meet or match mine, you add no value to my life, or have the potential to bring me down in any kinda way- I cut the cord quick. Block, delete, ignore, whatever I've got to do to free myself from the toxicity. And that goes for chicks and so called friends too. Don't waste my valuable time.
I'd love to share more with you- as I will- but I'm off to work now. Gotta get myself and my boys ready to head out. I'll be keeping up with my diary discussions as best as I can though, so come back for more of my juicy exploitations.
XOXO, Delicia
